but someday it’ll lead me back to you.

one. crawled out of bed with an aching body for having slept too late  last night and had far too little rest (tossing and turning because I couldn’t sleep), and got driven to school by a sleepy mother who had asked me at least 4 times the previous night if I was gonna go to school, forcing me to repeat “Mum, it’s my graduation tomorrow.” a countless number of times to her.

two. came to school convinced the weather was great, then it started drizzling and the teachers very nonchalantly stated that we were gonna use the wet weather program, to which the bunch of us puppypoundeyed them and begged for us to stay longer in the amphi, but they just said no and left us very distraught and very panicky, carting the instruments out with epic disappointment. but after much challenge the teachers relented and we got to have our graduation ceremony in the amphitheatre <3 which reminded me yet again that rgs girls never take ‘no’ for an answer, and never go down without a fight.

three. the drizzle stopped and all of us were exuberant, then the rain came back and we scurried to shield our instruments with whatever jackets we had and it looked awfully gaudy, but we were thankful to be playing in the amphi. everything flowed on by like all ceremonies do and then flashmob – we’re all in this together blared over the speakers and the band was squashed next to the cheerleaders looking super noob like uncles picking up apples.

four. tugged at my TOO SHORT SKIRT insecurely (I NEEDED A POOFY RUFFLY SKIRT FOR RUFFLES RUCKUS EVEN THOUGH THIS SKIRT WAS VERY EVIDENTLY SIZED FOR A KOREAN MODEL WITH MATCHSTICK LEGS so it was probably yelling at my fats that i was putting it to shame) as we waited for our cue at our instruments, and then laura yelled “HIT IT” and then we fumbled a bit, before minyan picked it up. messed up a bit at the start, but tried to regain musical balance, but all the mikes were laughing evilly at us and being stubborn little children so the music became sloppy (even though we’d been practising this from the beginning of time ;_;), and i think it didn’t work out as well as we had hoped for. but then we just carried on to:

five. graduation song. where the entire sec four batch was singing along and it was just so damn heartening to see everyone belting out this song, unique to our batch and possessed by no other. <3

six. retreated backstage, when the Incident happened, and so I didn’t manage to sing the school song and do the school cheers with the school for the final time, which left me quite anguished and bitter yet still of full acceptance of the situation. so the pain turned on the water works and I’d like to think that this was God’s interesting way of making me cry because I so badly wanted to.

seven. as a result I couldn’t rejoin for community singing, and when I went back I was already in sentimental mode. strode back to the amphi, Graduation by Vitamin C was already crooning out as we go on we remember all the times we had together and maegan dashed up to me and we hugged each other tightly for a very, very, very long time, crying and finding ourselves silly for crying, then the tears just kept coming and wouldn’t stop flowing, and the whole bunch of us took stupid cry shots of ourselves. then I marveled at how amazing this was, how hpps graduation didn’t strike me with such resonance, and how this felt different and impossible to replicate. and each memory of my time in RGS, cocooned and nestled within the trove in my heart, kinda just flowed out with the tears, coupled with the terrifying thought of how these will never happen again and how life will be just so. damn. different.

eight. back in class (for the very final time as 402) collecting progress report, feasting on the gigantic hershey’s bar mrs alfie bought for us and loads of random things, note writing, and having to leave early for pb appraisals. felt like i was back in business as i sat there, and afterwards the teachers revealed an insanely adorable side of them i had never ever seen before and they were just so cute <3

nine. talked with ms ong about certain things, and then somehow we talked about other stuff, and we just kept rambling on and on, she being extremely listening and helpful by dispensing advice, and we talked for a lovely one hour before she had to run off to something else and she says that we have to continue this another day (: ms ong is a fantastic teacher if you actually get to know her personally and share your feelings with her, because she can be very sagely and empathetic, so i guess the immense fear that people have of her is rather unfounded, and i’m glad that she’d been my teacher for so many different things and for so many years here in RGS.

ten. decided to use the time to call the administrative people to thank them for their work, so I called Mrs Shirley Tan, said thank you for all she had done, and she asks me what my combi will be next year. I tell her very eagerly “BCML”, and over the phone I could practically hear the smile on her face as she replied, “I see you still love Literature! I still remember your DSA interview, you talking about your poetry and your burning passion for literature, you sitting across the table…” and here the image of the fighting fish glass jar in the middle of her table zooped back to my mind, and i remember the timid petrified girl i was as a little p6 kid, gingerly waiting to go into her office; then at this point i lose myself again and the tears beneath my eyelids threatened to fall, and i say ‘thank you’ for the very last time, and feel empty.

eleven. kim goes with me to look for lulaoshi to approve my chinese dictionary, but i had to run errands first and i fear we would forget we had to find him, so we start to chant “laoshi laoshi” which turned into “laoshu laoshu” and then “mouse mouse’, then ‘miaow miaow’, and “woof woof” and “potato potato” and “hadley hadley” and “drama drama” and “orientation orientation” and then we sigh. lulaoshi is not there but another chinese teacher helps me stick on the RGS sticker on my dictionary. we are in j block and we go to our 112 classroom – no lights on, walls are a different shade of blue with purple light being filtered through the tinted windows, three little sec 1 girls sitting there. then we point excitedly at the dusty dirty corner where the desktop continues to remain, but the whole place just feels different and unfamiliar. as we exit, we tell the three sec ones that “FOUR YEARS HERE PASS VERY FAST YOU MUST TREASURE YOUR YEARS.” “I REMEMBER WHEN I HAD MY FIRST BOOKING” “OH YEAH I REMEMBER I ATE A SWEET IN FRONT OF MRS HOO” “I DIDN’T LIKE MY BOOKING” and the three sec ones are just staring at us offloading happily before we realise we sound like old grannies and so we scurry away.

twelve. lunch in the canteen with stall 7 food, super calorie-laden meal with rendang bergedil and tofu but who cares STALL 7 FOOOOOOOOD <3 for the last time :/ talked to rachel onion tan about life in rgs, about how sec three will be like, smp, icyl, many magnificent things that i had witnessed in rgs and it felt good to be able to share with someone these four beautiful years of my life. (:

thirteen. became friendless after lunch and decided to go back home. paused for a moment at the foyer admiring our batch book with the congress kids, then going out of school talking with them and all of a sudden “OMG WE STEPPED OUT OF THE GATES ARGH LQUALDKJFBQ” rather dramatically. :’)

fourteen. came home to stuff on facebook, videos of TRR (thanks mich! ), and sec fours singing batch song, but lazy potato blood was streaming through my veins so i went for tennis at scgs and spent the evening in a foreign land.

fifteen. aunty audrey’s little boy came clad in his hpps uniform, which made me think about where all these years had gone and how time has sped by so damn quickly. ): tennis was horrible because i was still in potato mode and could hardly move around, and my timing was completely off. two p6 girls were there and I asked them which school they were going to next year, and both replied (unsurprisingly) “SCGS”. They asked me how old I was and I eagerly (and rather self-righteously) replied “Sec four. Yeah, RGS. I GRADUATED TODAY. ” and they gave me the “._. uh okay” face, making me feel like screaming “Y NOBUDDY SHARE MY FEELING WITH ME”.

sixteen. came home, awfully tired but extremely fulfilled from the whole day. blogging, facebooking, thinking how things will change and never stay the same again.

someday i’ll find what it means to be myself without you

facing the world with what you’ve given to me

running against the winds to chase my dreams

but someday it’ll lead me back to you

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