with therufflesruckus i have successfully polarised my music taste to be that of pop/punk rock, and have been listening to yellowcard, alltimelow, mychemicalromance, 30secondstomars in numerous youtube playlists for hours on end (making it immensely difficult to focus on chinese so i alternate between rock and yiruma. very helpful. 8D )

spent the late morning in the american club with maegan trying to mug chinese (because my house is a dangerous place to be studying chinese, thanks to the nefarious existence of the internet everywhere here) and got some things done, but above work, had an amazing lunch and an awesome time sitting in the posh (albeit freezing) library looking out at the pool trying to spot hot guys ahahaha thank you maegan <3 <3

during piano class my fingers forgot themselves and their purpose in life and chopin turned out very choppy ); the entire time my eyes were like O___O HUH I GOT PRACTISE but my fingers were like forgetful cheerleaders and tripping over one another very miserably it was awful. ):

hardly anything done for chinese, 真的感到非常的害怕。担心这次做的准备不足够，然而我现在依然没有积极的去温习功课，缺乏紧急感。但是我温习华文的时候总会有“天有不测风云”的理念，因此总是感觉自己做再多的作业也是无法完全准备得了。): 忧心忡忡。

再加上，现在好像渐渐要生病得样子，喉咙很干、鼻子塞住，真的希望我不会在着几天内生大病　):

also spam is very cute sometimes.

]]> http://rollerchaircarousel.wordpress.com/2011/11/06/its-everywhere-i-go-its-everything-i-see-aka-a-kiwi-tribute-aka-wuliao-art-attempt/feed/ 0 regimentedinsanity the rgs kiwi in sepia the rgs kiwi i feel for you spam buddy. http://rollerchaircarousel.wordpress.com/2011/11/05/but-someday-itll-lead-me-back-to-you/ http://rollerchaircarousel.wordpress.com/2011/11/05/but-someday-itll-lead-me-back-to-you/#comments Sat, 05 Nov 2011 03:16:54 +0000 steph! http://rollerchaircarousel.wordpress.com/?p=768 ]]> one. crawled out of bed with an aching body for having slept too late  last night and had far too little rest (tossing and turning because I couldn’t sleep), and got driven to school by a sleepy mother who had asked me at least 4 times the previous night if I was gonna go to school, forcing me to repeat “Mum, it’s my graduation tomorrow.” a countless number of times to her.

two. came to school convinced the weather was great, then it started drizzling and the teachers very nonchalantly stated that we were gonna use the wet weather program, to which the bunch of us puppypoundeyed them and begged for us to stay longer in the amphi, but they just said no and left us very distraught and very panicky, carting the instruments out with epic disappointment. but after much challenge the teachers relented and we got to have our graduation ceremony in the amphitheatre <3 which reminded me yet again that rgs girls never take ‘no’ for an answer, and never go down without a fight.

three. the drizzle stopped and all of us were exuberant, then the rain came back and we scurried to shield our instruments with whatever jackets we had and it looked awfully gaudy, but we were thankful to be playing in the amphi. everything flowed on by like all ceremonies do and then flashmob – we’re all in this together blared over the speakers and the band was squashed next to the cheerleaders looking super noob like uncles picking up apples.

four. tugged at my TOO SHORT SKIRT insecurely (I NEEDED A POOFY RUFFLY SKIRT FOR RUFFLES RUCKUS EVEN THOUGH THIS SKIRT WAS VERY EVIDENTLY SIZED FOR A KOREAN MODEL WITH MATCHSTICK LEGS so it was probably yelling at my fats that i was putting it to shame) as we waited for our cue at our instruments, and then laura yelled “HIT IT” and then we fumbled a bit, before minyan picked it up. messed up a bit at the start, but tried to regain musical balance, but all the mikes were laughing evilly at us and being stubborn little children so the music became sloppy (even though we’d been practising this from the beginning of time ;_;), and i think it didn’t work out as well as we had hoped for. but then we just carried on to:

five. graduation song. where the entire sec four batch was singing along and it was just so damn heartening to see everyone belting out this song, unique to our batch and possessed by no other. <3

six. retreated backstage, when the Incident happened, and so I didn’t manage to sing the school song and do the school cheers with the school for the final time, which left me quite anguished and bitter yet still of full acceptance of the situation. so the pain turned on the water works and I’d like to think that this was God’s interesting way of making me cry because I so badly wanted to.

seven. as a result I couldn’t rejoin for community singing, and when I went back I was already in sentimental mode. strode back to the amphi, Graduation by Vitamin C was already crooning out as we go on we remember all the times we had together and maegan dashed up to me and we hugged each other tightly for a very, very, very long time, crying and finding ourselves silly for crying, then the tears just kept coming and wouldn’t stop flowing, and the whole bunch of us took stupid cry shots of ourselves. then I marveled at how amazing this was, how hpps graduation didn’t strike me with such resonance, and how this felt different and impossible to replicate. and each memory of my time in RGS, cocooned and nestled within the trove in my heart, kinda just flowed out with the tears, coupled with the terrifying thought of how these will never happen again and how life will be just so. damn. different.

eight. back in class (for the very final time as 402) collecting progress report, feasting on the gigantic hershey’s bar mrs alfie bought for us and loads of random things, note writing, and having to leave early for pb appraisals. felt like i was back in business as i sat there, and afterwards the teachers revealed an insanely adorable side of them i had never ever seen before and they were just so cute <3

nine. talked with ms ong about certain things, and then somehow we talked about other stuff, and we just kept rambling on and on, she being extremely listening and helpful by dispensing advice, and we talked for a lovely one hour before she had to run off to something else and she says that we have to continue this another day (: ms ong is a fantastic teacher if you actually get to know her personally and share your feelings with her, because she can be very sagely and empathetic, so i guess the immense fear that people have of her is rather unfounded, and i’m glad that she’d been my teacher for so many different things and for so many years here in RGS.

ten. decided to use the time to call the administrative people to thank them for their work, so I called Mrs Shirley Tan, said thank you for all she had done, and she asks me what my combi will be next year. I tell her very eagerly “BCML”, and over the phone I could practically hear the smile on her face as she replied, “I see you still love Literature! I still remember your DSA interview, you talking about your poetry and your burning passion for literature, you sitting across the table…” and here the image of the fighting fish glass jar in the middle of her table zooped back to my mind, and i remember the timid petrified girl i was as a little p6 kid, gingerly waiting to go into her office; then at this point i lose myself again and the tears beneath my eyelids threatened to fall, and i say ‘thank you’ for the very last time, and feel empty.

eleven. kim goes with me to look for lulaoshi to approve my chinese dictionary, but i had to run errands first and i fear we would forget we had to find him, so we start to chant “laoshi laoshi” which turned into “laoshu laoshu” and then “mouse mouse’, then ‘miaow miaow’, and “woof woof” and “potato potato” and “hadley hadley” and “drama drama” and “orientation orientation” and then we sigh. lulaoshi is not there but another chinese teacher helps me stick on the RGS sticker on my dictionary. we are in j block and we go to our 112 classroom – no lights on, walls are a different shade of blue with purple light being filtered through the tinted windows, three little sec 1 girls sitting there. then we point excitedly at the dusty dirty corner where the desktop continues to remain, but the whole place just feels different and unfamiliar. as we exit, we tell the three sec ones that “FOUR YEARS HERE PASS VERY FAST YOU MUST TREASURE YOUR YEARS.” “I REMEMBER WHEN I HAD MY FIRST BOOKING” “OH YEAH I REMEMBER I ATE A SWEET IN FRONT OF MRS HOO” “I DIDN’T LIKE MY BOOKING” and the three sec ones are just staring at us offloading happily before we realise we sound like old grannies and so we scurry away.

twelve. lunch in the canteen with stall 7 food, super calorie-laden meal with rendang bergedil and tofu but who cares STALL 7 FOOOOOOOOD <3 for the last time :/ talked to rachel onion tan about life in rgs, about how sec three will be like, smp, icyl, many magnificent things that i had witnessed in rgs and it felt good to be able to share with someone these four beautiful years of my life. (:

thirteen. became friendless after lunch and decided to go back home. paused for a moment at the foyer admiring our batch book with the congress kids, then going out of school talking with them and all of a sudden “OMG WE STEPPED OUT OF THE GATES ARGH LQUALDKJFBQ” rather dramatically. :’)

fourteen. came home to stuff on facebook, videos of TRR (thanks mich! ), and sec fours singing batch song, but lazy potato blood was streaming through my veins so i went for tennis at scgs and spent the evening in a foreign land.

fifteen. aunty audrey’s little boy came clad in his hpps uniform, which made me think about where all these years had gone and how time has sped by so damn quickly. ): tennis was horrible because i was still in potato mode and could hardly move around, and my timing was completely off. two p6 girls were there and I asked them which school they were going to next year, and both replied (unsurprisingly) “SCGS”. They asked me how old I was and I eagerly (and rather self-righteously) replied “Sec four. Yeah, RGS. I GRADUATED TODAY. ” and they gave me the “._. uh okay” face, making me feel like screaming “Y NOBUDDY SHARE MY FEELING WITH ME”.

sixteen. came home, awfully tired but extremely fulfilled from the whole day. blogging, facebooking, thinking how things will change and never stay the same again.

someday i’ll find what it means to be myself without you

facing the world with what you’ve given to me

running against the winds to chase my dreams

but someday it’ll lead me back to you

okay okay i have little ability to express how i am feeling right now. lkuihiouqheriub linguistics WAI YOU PHAIL ME NAO

i shall attempt to write though lest all these memories get washed away.

hadley dramafest. is. totally. frikkin. awesome. just like, a rapid gush of emotion when everything was done, and as we walk out of the hall i turn to kim and sigh happily, “I feel like my RGS life is complete.” living my last week like every other week – being busy and slogging but very happy while doing so, filled with so much love and passion for what i’m doing. kim says “yeah. starting out with a script, and ending with one.”

gosh i mean, I STILL SO DISTINCTLY REMEMBER OUR ORIENTATION PLAY. I REMEMBER ORIENTATION DAY ONE EVEN. me very skinny and very awkward in my new cotton PE shirt and tight culottes, waddling across the canteen and spying rebecca, and trying to strike up a conversation, and she says “I’m writing a script for orientation play” and I say “oh?” and I glance at the paper and it has terrifying words like “camaraderie” and I’m just like ._. ohshucks i’m gonna die in RGS, and then day 2 I go back to class and sit next to hengyeng who is my seatmate for the next half of the year and they are playing ‘find other words in the word “handkerchief”‘ and I see someone has picked out “hand” so I go very proudly “nonono I think it is spelt ‘hankerchief’” and hengyeng and kelly stare at me and go “no it’s handkerchief” and i’m like ._. ohshucks i’m gonna die in this GEP class why in the world am I in a stupid GEP class.

and then there are so many darn competitions we won as a class. and everyone said we were the most bonded class in the level and we were like “huh really meh orh okay” and just went on winning cheer comp for netcarn (STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE BLUEBERRY PIE V-I-C-T-O-R-Y) racial harmony dance (IT’S THE TIME TO DISCO) karaoke night (two of the amandas being lovers in the play lololol)

AND OF COURSE DRAMANITE (THEY INSISTED NITE NOT NIGHT) and kim and I squashed in the dirty dusty gross corner of the classroom with the laggy computer typing away and flinging lines to each other and making signature quotes like “WOE IS ME! FORLORN I BE!” and “I, PRINCE SARAH, SWORE TO PROTECT MY ERSTWHILE FRIEND” and “MY HEART IS SHATTERED INTO A MILLION PIECES. OH I AM SLAINNNN~!”. and then adding in loads of random rubbish like 881′s HOKKIEN SONG and A LOT OF FARTING FOR LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD.

then at the end of the day we still won! (even with all the farting :’) )

…where was i. ._.

oh right, hadley!!! <3 i guess today’s play really struck a chord within me and i felt awfully sentimental afterwards because it was over, and my projects in rgs are over (minus grad), and THESE ENTIRE FOUR YEARS ARE SOON TO BE OVER.

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compiling the grad ceremony song list right now and there is talk of including tessa low’s awesome 2010 grad song Fly Away and she says “bring tissue paper” ;___;

quite honestly i’m not really sure if i’ll cry because i only cry when i feel immensely hurt and tomorrow won’t be hurt. tomorrow will be joy and love and i haven’t exactly cried out of love before and maegan swears she’ll make me cry because i told her i couldn’t so i am expected to stare at her the whole time while singing tomorrow so i will cry.

please don’t let me cry while i sing i’ll sound like a dying goose ._.

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and here we go.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/dont-date-a-girl-who-reads/1/

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feeling in the zone for some emo slowdance music. closing my eyes with my throwbax cupping my ears and shutting out everything that is not me and the music, still feeling the fluid bobbing of the boat on the trip to semakau today (i tend to have extended motion sickness, albeit only post-motion). can’t sleep.

right now this juncture in time really feels like watching the sand in an hourglass trickling to a quick end; even though the first part of the staring feels long and dreary, the final few grains are falling through the small hole so damn quickly, when in actuality the sand is still falling at the exact same rate as it had been when it first started. past week has been hectic and somewhat frenzied, but also filled with a lot of love and emotion, one day after another, BANG BANG one by one commitments get dropped into the hands of the younger ones and things are going so fast so shockingly why?

the thought of chinese in a few mere days is so awfully suffocating, ohhhh.

just pray. just pray.

currently my favourite song: http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=2363272235911

also my electric toothbrush died. ):

electronic things hate me.

1. watched breakfast for tiffany’s during electric guitar. OH. MY. GOODNESS. EPITOME OF ADORABLE ROMANCE. was next to stephkoay, she the classic movie veteran humming along to moon river when it played and me the noob who squealed whenever a cute scene/cat scene came on. somehow audrey hepburn’s role reminded me A LOT of my grandma. extremely money-minded, and immensely pretty (: with a penchant for flashy and tacky fashion.
2. speaking of grandma, gong gong and nainai flew off to melbourne to meet jiujiu and family and spend a month over there, and according to my parents they were bouncing like happy kids in the car on the way to the airport. ahh <3 take care gonggong and nainai!
3. had seen the ad for “forgotten few” on channel news asia while at the radiology imaging centre on thursday and was quite bent on watching it, so i did. though it was slanting slightly too much toward historical information regurgitation for my taste, i really loved the interviews with the survivors of the war. amidst the interviewees’ tanned and freckling skin, irises bluing at the rims, shrivelled lips that were pulled back, there was an intense fervour and pride in their soft voices as they spoke of how they pulled their vastly different ways through the singular, same war, then with a hint of sad resignation how the younger generation doesn’t believe the extent of their suffering during the war (“they wouldn’t believe how bad I was beaten“) and how the children of today feel no sense of belonging to their land. sigh, today’s 草莓组.

skipped chem options ( ): ) to go for the scan, and had cold gel rolled over my new tattoo. felt pregnant as the lady took snapshots on the screen while explaining that lipomas were really common and assuring me that fats = fats and nothing to be afraid of. she tilted the screen for me to see, happily pointing out the green lines that were the fat layer and the thinner lines that were the skin layer, and confirmed that the thick blob was just lipid. ahwell i suppose better fats than tumour so thank God (: (though due to the minute nature of the blob it seems like i won’t be able to sign up for any liposuction procedures to suck out all the fats in preparation for FAM, hahahaha sigh.)

dropped by funan to kill time while waiting for the report to be churned out with dad and bran, and we ended up spending two hours there trying every headset/earpiece available for trying. played i miss you probably about thirty times before finally deciding on what to get (thank you dad! <3). also picked up a pair of earpollution throwbax headphones that weren’t available for trying, but thanks to a bit of on-the-spot research decided to get it with the munny from my peegy bank. and the sound quality is ABSOLUTELY STUNNING FOR ITS PRICE (and it looks gorgeous too), so very very glad that i got it.

the tattoo wouldn’t wash off. ):

am totally missing out pronouns for this post but whatever. ._.